Sunday, April 6, 2008

Who's Who

There's been a lot of activity in the Burns Campaign lately, and it can be easy to lose track of who the major players are. Here's a consolidated list of everyone who's anyone, all on one convenient page! This list will be kept up-to-date as new developments develop.

The Dynamic Duo

Presidential Candidate - Paul Burns

The man himself. Official biography

Running-Mate - Jessica Alba

Putting the J in PB&J. Official announcement

The Cabinet

Secretary of Defense - Avery Brooks

Known for being Defiant. Official announcement

Secretary of Homeland Security (renamed "Secretary of Roundhouse Kicking Terrorists in the Face") - Chuck Norris

Subject of many jokes, object of none. Official announcement

Secretary of F***ing Awesome - Patrick Stewart

Because he is. Official announcement

Other Roles

Chief Justice of the Supreme Court - Samuel L. Jackson

Doesn't need Tom Cruise to write his Minority Report. Official announcement

Presidential Slapper - Wonder Woman

Who's afraid of Kryptonite? Official announcement

National Security Advisor - Nemo

Declaw this. Official announcement

Scapegoat - Jeff Fetters.

Get off me. Official announcement

The Opposition

Democratic candidate - Barack Obama

I'm a regular guy, just like you. Haha! No, but seriously, I have millions of dollars. Campaign home

Democratic candidate - Hillary Clinton

Two Bushes but only one Clinton? Come now. Campaign home

[Update: pwned.]

Republican candidate - John McCain

Hey, you guys pretty much liked Dubya, right? Okay cool. Campaign home

Unholy Living Shrine to Malevolence - Cthulhu

Crrgggghrrr. Campaign home

Axis of Evil

The Borg.

All in all, you're just another brick in the Cube. Official announcement

The Cylons.

Old-school, yo. Official announcement

The Sith.

Sith happens. Official announcement

Last But Not Least

Campaign Manager - Brian Buckley

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

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