Tuesday, April 8, 2008

As regards the zombie apocalypse

It's time once again to answer a question submitted by YOU, the readers of this blog!

"I want to hear his [Paul Burns's] stance on us zombies. Are we classified as citizens - or even humans - for that matter? Just because we want to eat your brains doesn't make us bad people."
-"anonymous," presumably a zombie

Well, anonymous - if that is your real name - this is a complicated issue you've opened up. On the one hand, we cannot deny that zombies are just as much a part of our great nation as anyone else, that they, too, have a right to the pursuit of happiness. Yet on the other (decayed, rotting) hand, we must recognize that ordinary, non-un-dead folk shouldn't have to live in constant fear of their brains being devoured. What's a forward-thinking society to do?

The answer is as easy as the proverbial apple pie. Zombies will face no criminal charges as long as they only eat the brains of people who aren't using them anyway.

Be sure to check out tomorrow's post, in which Paul Burns is faced with a difficult decision!


Harold Bloom said...

I'm not really sure what's going on here but I completely disapprove.

Hey, wait! That sentiment encapsulates my entire professional career!

Someone who read this book said...

Excellent choice - this really goes hand-in-hand with the Fish Slapping program. Hopefully a fish to the face will cause people to not be stupid, and those that persist will eventually be weeded out by the zombies, thus saving Wonder Woman the tiresome duty of slapping the same person over and over.

That and all the smart people know how to protect themselves from zombies - no offense to my undead fellow citizens, but you can be a bit pushy with your needs sometimes.