Monday, April 7, 2008

It is an exciting new paradigm

Being President is fun, but it has its problems. There are the assassination attempts, of course. There's the fact that people are always after you to do things, even if all you really want to do is play DDR for a week straight. And then Congress is just nonstop with the legislation, one thing after another, always something new on your desk (two words on that, by the way: pocket veto). Still, the very worst part of being President (or even campaigning to be) is definitely that no matter what, everyone is always blaming you for stuff. Maybe they're upset about stuff you did; maybe they're upset about stuff you didn't do. What is it with you people and your high expectations, anyway?

Well, it's no surprise that Paul Burns has the answer: a scapegoat!



Meet Jeff Fetters, a mild-mannered, civic-minded young man who has graciously volunteered to assume responsibility for all mistakes, gaffes, blunders, errors, lapses in judgment, and generally any blameworthy actions or inactions whatsoever on the part of the Burns Campaign, for all time. Unhappy with parts of the Burns Platform? Blame Jeff. Think the website looks stupid? It's Jeff's fault! You get the idea.

Thanks, Jeff!

Even better, for the entire month of April, Paul Burns has graciously offered Jeff's scapegoat services to the entire nation! That's right, if you're an American citizen, and it's April 2008, you can attribute any and all of your own shortcomings to Jeff Fetters, absolutely free! This gracious offer is made as a token of goodwill toward voters everywhere. Burns is lookin' out for ya. Of course, after April, we'll have to start charging. Campaign costs and all - you understand.

Man. One person, taking the blame for everyone else's misdeeds, for the betterment of all? How come no one's thought of this before?

Anyway, be sure to tune in tomorrow, when we will answer one of YOUR questions!

1 comment:

Alberto Gonzales said...

Man why didn't I think of this