Monday, April 21, 2008

Peter Jennings would have stopped them

Betraid, indeed. O cruel world, that hath such iniquities in't! But then, the life of a kitten is a difficult one, fraught with many perils arising from its inherent cuteness. And we witness today one of the very cruelest such exploitations: LOLcats.

The name itself gives an immediate clue as to the kind of wickedness going on. Innocent kittens, played cruelly for laughs, and decent English grammar made a mockery of! Why, it's unconscionable. Just look at these hideous samples of kitten injustice ("kittinjustice" for short) -

Real and painful cat disabilities callously mocked

Natural cheerfulness cynically lampooned

Legitimate feline contributions to computer science needlessly belittled

Cat violence shamelessly glorified

And, perhaps most horrible of all, an instance of ailurophagy offered as a joke

Friends, ailurophagy is very real, and it is anything but funny. Its awful specter has already tainted Canadian politics; how long till its influence is felt here as well? Already we can see the beginnings of its Stateside malfeasance.

O Canada, you do your part to stop the horror, we'll do ours. And in the meantime, could you let us borrow Ryan North for a few months? Please? We'll let you have Scott Kurtz!

Be sure to tune in tomorrow, when Paul Burns will take aim at a heretofore-unrevealed political rival!


Peter Jennings said...

I...I can't watch.

The horror!

Captain Nemo said...

Horrible. Just horrible. Teasing a cat is one thing - why else do they make those irresitable feathered sticks called 'cat teasers' for our amusement? But to exploit our natural cuteness for a couple of chuckles while demeaning the dignity of the feline race?

My friends, there is indeed a line in the kittylitter box between fun and exploitation and it has been crossed.

Voters, think wisely when it comes time. Do you really love kittens? Or are you selfish enough to justify such atrocities for your personal amusement?

If you are of the former, vote Paul Burns. If you are the latter... remember: I am not declawed. And I will go for the eyes.

Felix said...

Rock on, Captain Nemo, rock on.