We hold no truths to be self-evident

Let's talk about nihilism!

For those who don't specialize in knowing about idiotic philosophies, here's a quick rundown on what those silly nihilereenos believe:

nihilism - the denial of all real existence or the possibility of an objective basis for truth.

So nihilists literally believe in nothing. Which means you can insult them all you want, because how can they take offense? Why, that would require a system of values! So yeah, it's really fun. Hey, stupid nihilists! You stupid stupid-face poopy-heads! You are stupid! And also dumb! Yeah!

Anyway: nihilists, please support our cause, and vote for Paul Burns. Because really, if you don't believe in anything anyway, why not support him? Heck, ethics is meaningless! There is no overriding good, not even the desire to be lazy! You have absolutely no reason to pursue any course of action over any other, no direction, no purpose, no rest for your weary, blackened, twisted, misshapen lump of a soul. So why not cast your vote for the only candidate who recognizes your concerns, however dismissively?

Do the right thing. Or, in your case, the thing that is the same as all the other things. Vote Burns.

By the way, has anyone else noticed that apathy is, like, the functional equivalent of nihlism? Can you imagine if we could actually harness American apathy for the greater good? We...we would be as gods!! (Of course, that might not actually be a good thing. But still.)

Apathy and nihilism for Burns in '08!

Be sure to tune in tomorrow, when Paul Burns will explain a foolproof, no-fail way to achieve world peace in less than one week.