Hippies to ignite effigy in candidate's honor

We at the Burns Campaign recently learned of an exciting new event being planned right now to demonstrate support for our cause. Some hippies have apparently discovered the Internet and are using it to propagate their excitement for Paul. Excellent! The project (named "Burning Man" in a clever play on his surname) will be held in the Black Rock Desert of Nevada, around late August. Highlights will include:

Nudity. Paul Burns has requested that at least 45% of it be hot.

Art. Nothing says "freedom of expression" like a giant spider car. And we all know how Paul Burns feels about the First Amendment!

Giant-statue-burning. The statue represents Burns's political rivals. Nothing says "racial equality" like a burning statue of Barack Ob- er, John McCain?

Only rich people allowed in. To pay for the Burns Campaign, of course. Nothing says "radical inclusion" like $295 tickets.

Mike Huckabee.

Nah, just kidding.

Anyway, it looks to be a great fund-raiser, and we're really excited about it. Although Paul Burns himself will likely not be attending (citing a desire not to be "touched" or "looked at" or "within smelling distance") he nonetheless wishes these enthusiastic kids the best of luck, and authorizes them to stay up all the way till midnight.

At which point he will, of course, have to execute them all for being Communists.