Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Free Apple Quiches!

So we've gotten a lot of new readers lately, and it seemed like we ought to put together a FAQ. Well, here it is.

Q. Who is Paul Burns?

A. Paul Burns is a candidate for President of the United States in the 2008 election.

Q. For real?

A. Sure, why not? Check out his biography. There's even a picture!

Q. No, I mean, for real in real life?

A. Ah, why didn't you say so? For the answer to that, you should check out this page.

Q. What party does Paul Burns belong to?

A. Paul Burns is not affiliated with any political party. In the past, he has been affiliated with certain non-political parties, but these were usually over by 1 AM.

Q. What is Paul Burns's stance on [insert issue here]?

A. See for yourself.

Q. Paul Burns's opinion on [issue] is different than mine!

A. No it isn't.

Q. Who is his running-mate?

A. Jessica Alba.

Q. What's their slogan?

A. PB&J: Spread the Word.

Q. That's clever.

A. We try.

Q. Who are his advisors? Does he have a Cabinet in mind? Who are his biggest rivals?

A. All is revealed.

Q. I hate Paul Burns and I want to destroy him! What should I do?

A. Sorry, but all three of our current Axis of Evil spots are already filled. It's an exclusive club; you're not the first to want in.

Q. I love Paul Burns and I want to support him! What should I do?

A. Link to us on your website! Leave comments! Tell your friends! Send us encouraging e-mail! And, when the time comes, vote Burns! The only thing we don't require is money, as Paul Burns is already fabulously wealthy. And handsome.

Q. I have a question I want to ask Paul Burns, or an issue I'd like him to address.

A. Fantastic! Send it in, and if we like it, we'll answer it on the blog.

Q. How do I contact you guys?

A. All questions / comments / suggestions / hate mail should be e-mailed to: BurnsForAmerica [at] gmail [dot] com

Q. What's the square root of two?

A. Now you're just being irrational.


Quiche Eater said...

I came to this site via Google whilst searching for apple quiche recipes.

I am outraged to find this web page, which titles itself "Free Apple Quiches" under entirely false pretenses! A feeble "FAQ" joke is no excuse for this sort of tomfoolery.

I demand that you be expelled from the Internet at once!

Paul Burns...you are better than this.

The Internets said...