Tuesday, March 4, 2008

You can tell by the black capes

Inspired by a recent viewing of Star Wars: Episode III, Paul Burns has officially declared the Sith part of a new Axis of Evil.

"It's a bold move," he said, "but I feel absolutely confident in my label. I mean, they call it the Dark Side, for Pete's sake. 'Axis of Evil' is practically a synonym."

The other two members of the new Axis are the Cylons and the Borg. Burns cited a consistent track record of badness, evilness, and wrongness on the part of all three members, adding that Americans "would never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."

"If the Death Star isn't a WMD," he said, "I don't know what is."

Captain Jean-Luc Picard applauded the move, explaining that "the line must be drawn HEE-AH!" and gesturing wildly with his fingers. He issued the statement in a British accent, despite being a Frenchman.

Others were more critical. Emperor Palpatine reportedly exploded into a violent rage, expelling wave after wave of electrical energy from his cruel, withered hands. In the process, His Imperial Highness spilled his Cherry Coke.

"Wipe it up," he ordered. "All of it."


That black woman from First Contact said...

Captain Ahab has to go hunt his whale...

James Earl Jones said...

If you strike me down, Luke, I'll become a bigger lion-cloud-formation than you can possibly imagine.