Tuesday, March 4, 2008

If you hear ringing at 3 am, it's probably tinnitus



You may have heard about Hillary Clinton's "White House phone at 3 am" ad. There's been the usual controversy - some saying the ad is sensationalist, some noting its similarities to ads of the past (Hillary criticized Obama for his own "plagiarism"), and John McCain in particular claiming he is more qualified than Hillary to answer this ominous ringing.

Want to hear Paul Burns's take on it? Of course you do.

First of all, the critics should note that the ad merely asks who should answer the phone. It's a legitimate question, and it's possible the Hillary campaign simply does not know! They would like to find out. Certainly it won't be the President. Not at 3 am. At 3 am the President is sleeping. And if the President is awakened at 3 am to deal with a global crisis, it is going to be by an aide who runs in screaming "IRAN'S NUKING SWITZERLAND!" not the phone company lady with "Sir, Mr. Ahmadinejad is on line three."

So perhaps the real question is, whose answering machine is most qualified to handle that apocalyptic FYI?

"Hi! You've reached Paul Burns, President of the following: The Ohio chapter of the National Myst and Uru Association, the Facebook group 'YES I've Beaten Riven!!', and the United States of America. If this is someone from my World of Warcraft group, I can't do anything Thursday before eight, I have to give a State of the Union Address. If it's a national emergency, you have the wrong number. You want Harrison Ford, or, failing that, Sylvester Stallone. If you get down to Keanu Reeves, God help us all. Message recording begins now!" (BEEP)

Mrs. Clinton, you have your answer.

1 comment:

Keanu Reeves said...

Clearly you have not seen my latest motion picture, Speed 6: The Quest for Even More Velocity Than in the Previous Five Installments.