Thursday, March 27, 2008

Ringwraiths feel slighted over Axis of Evil snub



The new-and-improved Axis of Evil has met with widespread acclaim, but it faces its share of detractors as well - and chief among them are those most terrifying of Sauron's servants, the Ringwraiths.

"It's just...it's so unfair," said a visibly upset Lord of the Nazgûl. "How could we not be included? I mean, sure, the Sith I can understand. It's Star Wars, we're not looking to edge out Star Wars. But come on, the Borg? The Cylons? We're the prime henchmen of the villain who defined the fantasy genre, and we're not even in the top three? It's like he doesn't even know we're here, like we're...we're...just invisible!" He then turned away quickly and lowered his cloak-hood to hide his long, sniffling sobs.

The Lord of the Nazgûl is also known as the Witch-king of Angmar, the Wraith-King, the Lord of Minas Morgul, the Black Captain, and the Ruler of the Nine.

"There, there," said fellow Ringwraith Khamûl, patting him gently on the back. "We seriously should have gotten that Axis spot though," he added, to the camera.

Paul Burns has responded, saying that while he regrets the omission, it's simply too late to change now. "This was sort of a first-come, first-serve deal," he explained. "Please understand, this in no way reflects personally on you or your fellow servants of the Unblinking Eye. But we can't add someone new at this stage in the game. Historically, malicious Axes have always had three members. A fourth Axis member, it would just be...wrong."

Morgoth was not available for comment, as he is currently banished to the great Void beyond the Walls of the World, awaiting Dagor Dagorath and the End of All Things.

However, a spokesman for the Dark Lord confirmed he would probably agree the exclusion of the Ringwraiths is "pretty weak sauce."

5 comments:

J.R.R. Tolkien said...

What.

Éowyn said...

The Ringwraiths just need to get over themselves. They're hardly an Axis of Evil. They're more a representation of the male-dominated culture that downplays the importance of women. Think about it. Are there any women that play a significant role in their depraved heirarchy of leadership? Heck, are there any women at ALL in their ex-vast legions?

But of course, clinging to those old-fashioned notions didn't do them much good. Look what happened. Sword to the face. That's right.

Bilbo "bling" Baggins said...

That's right, Éowyn, the Nine Riders were defeated because they were too chauvinistic to include any women.

Which is why they were defeated by the Nine Walkers, who had...um... well...

Okay, I could never really tell. Was Legolas a guy or a girl?

Mouth of Sauron said...

The Ringwraiths can't be a member of an Axis of Evil by themselves. There's only nine of them and they aren't a full group by themselves. A member of an Axis of Evil has to be a full organization and not just a group. While they could easily top a watch-list, they just don't cut it by themselves.

On the other hand, Mordor could be a part of the Axis of evil. They're basically a country right. They also got the evil thing down. The very lands that they own are blighted with corruption and pestilence. Sauron's very power darkens the sky.

Also, The One Ring, defiantly a WMD.

Hanna and/or Barbera said...

That's the problem with having Axes of Evil in the first place. Anytime you come up with an exclusive organization like that, somebody else wants in. Where does it end? Today the Ringwraiths, tomorrow Gargamel.

Of course, the Sith aren't exactly fielding their own ambassadors either. Maybe they got grandfathered in?