Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? ...no?

It's a common problem these days: you want to keep up with current events, but you just don't have the time! If you're like most Americans, you're probably thinking, "I want a quick, easy way to keep up with my news. And I want it in fourteen lines or less."

"And dammit, I want it in iambic pentameter."

Let's rock and roll:

Current Events Sonnet #1 in D Minor

The Reverend Wright says "Damn America,"
Obama says, "He's great, but he's insane."
And in the District of Columbia
Our Number One's got Israel on the brain.
Our housing market's sliding down the tubes
While Rowling's getting testy with a fan,
Anonymous is pwning Hubbard's n00bs
Some Texans want three girls for every man.
Hamas considers Carter's dialogue,
The price of gas, ascendant, causes woe,
Beijing thinks runners like inhaling smog,
South Africa tells China where to go.
Mugabe still thinks "voting" means "repression"
But hey, at least we're not in a recession!

Be sure to tune in tomorrow, when Paul Burns will talk about Chicago's embarrassing little problem.