Like a felony, but worse

I've already mentioned the whimsically-titled I Can Has Cheezburger as a shocking purveyor of kitten exploitation - a website that sees fit to turn kittens into mere objects for our amusement, their native cuteness metamorphosed via captions into a grotesque spectacle of amoral "humor." LOLcats, they call this monstrosity, probably because DeliberatelyAbuseHelplessAnimals was already taken. Paul Burns has worked tirelessly to fight this outrage, and with your help, we can win the war on cat-captioning once and for all.

But a new horror has emerged, and Paul Burns has the unenviable task of relating to you, the voters, this fresh tale of woe. As you read of the shudder-inducing story below, let the chills that run down your spine serve as a permanent reminder that your vote can make a difference.

You see, the vile administrators of I Can Has Cheezburger (flanked, no doubt, by hellish administrative assistants) have crossed the line from simple feline malfeasance into the realm of the literary. That's right; these cybernetic oppressors have committed kitten plagiarism.

I'll let the facts speak for themselves.

FACT: On April 16, 2008, I posted the following:

"Squads of kittens...will overwhelm their targets with adorability, unleashing such a massive quantity of sweetness, cuddliness, and sheer gosh-darn-it cuteness that those engaged in violence will have no choice but to surrender. This strategy, dubbed "Shock and Awww," will be a massive undertaking..." [emphasis mine]

FACT: On May 29, 2008 - less than two months later - I Can Has Cheezburger posted the following:



FACT: These people are human trash.

They stole my joke! Did you see it? I was like "Hey, here is a nice joke, don't steal it pls, kthx," and they were all "OMG LET'S STEAL HIS JOEK!!!11" I mean what the heck? Did you see it? Did you see what happened there? Man, for real! What the crap?

Seriously.

Okay, maybe you're not quite as outraged as I am. It's conceivable, I suppose, that the alleged joke-stealing by a humor website from the campaign manager of a fictional candidacy hosted on another humor website...I guess, possibly, this is not something you feel genuine anger about. I can accept that. We can move on.

But honestly - kitten plagiarism? That's just sick. And I want you to know that Paul Burns will do everything in his power to make sure that kind of thing is stopped, once and for all.

Because, of course, I was definitely the first person to think of that joke ever.

Well, fine. Just make sure you tune in again on Monday. You don't want to miss our weekly Current Events Sonnet!