Monday, June 9, 2008

Each time we post one of these, Harold Bloom dies a little inside

It's time once again for us to deliver to you the events of the past week...via literature!

Current Events Sonnet #7 in D Minor

A legend in the world of sports has died
And likewise in the world of rock 'n' roll
The Red Wings have good reason for their pride
The crazy price of oil takes its toll.
We hope the Martian lander isn't broke
A nuclear weapons mix-up; Gates is pissed
The dumbass terrorists can't take a joke
The dumbass Burmese leaders still exist.
We've redefined "ironic," by the way
(Somehow I doubt that Kim Jong-il will care)
And Clinton said what we all knew she'd say
Not that it's going to get her anywhere.
Meanwhile, Obama's ready for McCain -
Of course, he's got a few things to explain.

See, there? You became an informed voter, and you didn't even have to go to Wikipedia!

Be sure to tune in again tomorrow, when the Burns campaign will shed light on the unholy powers of soy.


NASA said...

What? Pessimism in the news coverage of the Phoenix Mars lander? The media must be biased!

Haha, but seriously folks, don't kid yourselves. If this thing fails we're still fifteen times smarter than you will ever be.

Anonymous said...


No, we just hate you. Get over your boobs and move on.

While you're at it, go get a job to yanno, fill in that debt of yours...

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Anonymous said...

I've just came across this blog and wish I had found it before, I love the sarcastic humour and think it's a shame that it's ended. Thanks for the effort though!

Matt Tov