A conspiracy unmasked

You may have heard that Jim Johnson, one of Obama's top campaign aides, has resigned.



Why? Something about some kind of deal on low mortgage rates...sounded pretty boring actually. And also fake. I mean, come on - a guy gets fired for getting a better deal on his house? Makes no sense.

Unless...

Unless maybe, he wasn't a guy at all.

Jim Johnson's shocking secret revealed:



I knew it! Look at the eyes! Jim Johnson is secretly WALL-E!!

For more staggeringly intellectual revelations like this one, be sure to check back on Monday, when you'll get to read this week's Current Events Sonnet.