Low-quality sonnets are the fault of Jeff Fetters

If any of my former English teachers are reading right now, I can only say: it's all right. This...this isn't your fault.

Current Events Sonnet #9 in D Minor

Tsvangirai drops his presidential run
Beneath the foul incumbent's bloody hand;
Hamas and Israel set aside their guns
In hopes of bringing peace into their land.
The Brits have got a treaty ratified
A typhoon smashed into the Philippines
Romanians elect a man who died
While France gets back into the NATO scene.
The lander found an icy patch on Mars -
Could frozen water mean a chance of life?
Poor Tiger will be cutting back on pars
The Celtics' NBA win triggers strife.
With earthquake photos fresh in people's eyes,
The Chinese watch their water levels rise.

Be sure to tune in again tomorrow for a special campaign announcement.