Burns Unveils Plan to Consolidate Lakes

It is possible you have heard of a state called 'Minnesota.' What you may not know is that this state has lakes. A lot of lakes. It is called 'The Land of 10,000 Lakes,' and ladies and gentlemen, that is too many lakes. And who is going to do something about it?

Not Clinton. Not Obama. Not McCain.

But Paul Burns today unveiled a daring plan to consolidate all of Minnesota's lakes into a single enormous body of water. This new lake would be really good for America - it might even be, dare we say it, a Great Lake. "Lake Burns" would be a shining testament to the power of American innovation - the USA's answer to China's so-called Water Cube.

Garrison Keillor has expressed concern over the plan, worried it might lead to the destruction of his beloved Lake Wobegon; Burns aides are currently attempting to determine whether such a place actually exists.

No word currently on precisely how the consolidation will happen, except that it will involve "a lot of buckets."